Apologies FOR the delays completing this blog entry, but July was a rough month. The last of it I spent floating in and out of suicidal thoughts/idealization. I also learned the national suicide hotline is now closed to me, because only one local place answers that line now, The Harris Center, and apparently not only do they no longer have any clinician grade personnel staffing their lines, but…
Well very long, several day long story later, a supervisor from The Harris Center got on the line at one point and basically told me flashbacks were a choice and I needed to get over myself.
As physically unsafe and threatened as I felt by that point, that night (they proved to have my personal information and sent police to my house to explain things to me about knowing my place)… It started a process between my conscious & unconscious sides.
Wow, just typing about that week with the national suicide crisis hotline got my heart hammering, lol. But now that I remember my DID bridges, I am able to get control again before the flashback cascade that had been crippling me so badly the last month since the car crash.
Yeah, apologies, leaping around time line wise.
Due to that failed series of phone calls to the national suicide crisis hotline, I finally realized what my unconscious mind had been trying to warn me about for months.
I had stopped working on the bridges between here and now, and my various traumatized child states. That breakdown in communication is why things got so ugly after crashing my car into and through that fence June 30th.
But I’ve been working to rebuild those bridges, like just now after typing the above. It is a slow process, rebuilding trust, but just my realizing it two weeks ago changed my stress levels radically.
During July though, my creative side was not silent nor dormant.
This pair of blog posts about world building is about one very important new concept I am strongly considering adding to the setting for WIP.
Just to give some context upfront, while researching the word “Waif” I found out that today in real world, there is an estimated 100 million street orphans, several million of such here in the US alone.
And suddenly an inspiration hit me that I will likely be working on this weekend now that emergency car repairs are done and we must wait for the funds from which to do actual repairs with, to arrive.
The Shadow Dancer, is a short story about a teenage girl petty thief having the worst day of her life: she is about to be beaten to death and knows it. And then something from beyond intervenes and offers her a new family, hope, and chances beyond even her wildest dreams.
Here is the thing about that inspiration: it is strongly implied, to me the writer that is, that the force stepping in to help that girl is doing this in many places at once, across different worlds all at the same time.
The girl is offered shadowmancery, the power to manipulate, move through, and project shadows. Hard shadows. Light absorbing shadows. All this along with IF she accepts the gifts offered, her body will slowly toughen as the years pass and she matures into an adult, to the point of being about on par with Captain America from Marvel comics.
Now consider this for a moment.
The Genius Loci of my WIP, that which watches over an entire city-state of orphans and foundlings, is going to potentially be offering upwards of 100 million street orphans across the Earth and who knows how many other realms & worlds, super-powers.
In real world the total number of military forces, active and reserve, planet wide is less than 100 million.
And once the knowledge about this orphan super soldier army slowly filters its way out into the military and counter-intelligence networks globally, the world governments will come to learn there is not only an entity grade eldritch abomination roaming the earth that not even the nuclear weapons of Russia nor the US can stop, but it has quite likely extremely loyal street orphans scattered across the globe, with super powers, the power to shadow door near anywhere on the planet at will, and there are 1 to 100 million of them.
Atop that there is an already existing foundling elite, special forces of shadowmancer super soldiers TRAINED to defend all their brothers and sister to back up this shadow dancers “force.”
So I now have a VERY GOOD reason why the earth govts and militaries are all but scared shitless over this eldritch being they have only discovered in 1999 (story takes place from 2013-2016) that can shrug off even the largest nuclear and fusion weapons humanity has, but has “loyal servants/warriors” that each could possibly stop an entire army Company individually, extremely mobile, durable to all small arms fire, hard to kill even with heavier weapons, and…
Very very few know What this Thing/Eternal Darkness’ goals are.
All they know is this thing, Eternal Darkness, warns them a war is coming. And then when that war hits, humanity is very glad to have their unexpected allies, because even with all this…
Hundreds of millions will die, and the earth is changed forever.
The Shadow Dancers, if the concept sticks, fill a plot and world building hole of just why world govts and militaries are so paranoid and fearful of what this “Eternal Darkness” could be up to and plotting with its quite immense “standing” army.