There are aspects/traits of my complex PTSD and aspergers that IRL I would love to have either reduced or removed, but IRL, they are immutable in my 30+yrs of experience around them and attempts to get treatment/help for them.
But here is the trick: in currently WIP writing… I have a character who CAN do those very things. But should I?
If I could reduce or eliminate the impact fixation lock has on my daily life, I don’t even have words for how great that would be, because the thing I hate most about that trait is how agitated if not flat out enraged I become when something or someone stumbles into me and interrupts me during fixation lock, and there is not a damned thing on earth I can do to change “that is just how your brain reacts to that.”
I’d love to no longer have the triggers to medical, authority figures, and fear for my life when either of those two come up, because it would be nice to be able to call 911 and not fear for my life after several events that dealing with those forces has brought about in my life in the past. I’d like to be able to ask a doctor about my chest pains, abdominal pains, the changing colors of a growth on my foot… Without fear of abuse, beatings, imprisonment, death threats, and flat out execution at the hands of the people who… Well… Two of the first three death threats of my life came at the hands of MD’s. With death threats from a judge and other authority figures around that very same time.
I’m getting older, and i’m just smart enough to realize experiencing blinding fear and panic attacks when being around medical staff, whom in my experience react extremely poorly to anxiety and panic attacks in their “patients”, Is a mixture for very very bad things to happen to me one day as my body ages and things that are just minor inconveniences now… Become life threatening in the years to come.
I have a main character who is also a POV character in WIP who has both PTSD and aspergers. Due to how badly my mix of those two has hurt me IRL and taken away so many opportunities… I can’t have that character experience precisely what I do, or they could not be an MC. I know this because my complex PTSD and autism have lead to me being disabled due to how many times a week, even per day some days, where I am crippled/incapacitated multiple times a week or day.
I’ve chosen to have this character be drug resistant just as I am IRL, thus reducing their treatment options to near zero, like mine are. Ironically, I have little idea how to write about poor characters as MC’s (which is what disability reduces you to IRL in the US, poverty), because when you are poor, there is very little “pro-active” you can do in life past surviving each day, week, month, particularly when complex PTSD and aging are added atop that bill, Much less “being hero of an epic.”
But, I have another MC in that same WIP, who can manipulate DNA, cellular structure, transmute elements at the subatomic level… Who WILL provide cancer treatment/reversal in this same WIP because I’ve lost too many friends and neighbors to cancer in the last four years to NOT have this entity grade being who cares rather greatly for children… To NOT help after one child asks, “but why don’t you fix their cancer?”
I’ve let one beloved character die of brain damage due to the sudden death by brain damage of someone I knew IRL. Took months to develop an internally consistent reason for WHY that happened.
I’ve sorted out in-world why and how of the differences between high and low functioning autism. Thankfully in broad enough terms that IF IRL we find out aspergers and low functioning autism really aren’t related conditions… I’ll have my bases covered.
I know PTSD, regardless of simple or complex, is essentially a form of brain damage or more importantly, as of right now IRL, irreversible. It is only cope able with.
So, how the hell do I have an MC living with complex PTSD and aspergers in the same world with a being, an entity, for whom “tinkering” with DNA, for whom regenerating whole human limbs, regenerating flesh that has suffered third degree burns right down the bone?
And before anyone asks the obvious question, yes, they both know of each other, directly. The PTSD MC is the boyfriend of a daughter OF that entity/being. And daughter very pointedly screams at “mama”, “why won’t you just help him? WHY!”
So glad this “little issue” is in novel two of the trilogy and I’ve got some time to… Sort out this conundrum.
Just to be clear, my reluctance here is to go the hollywood path and make a magical cure/fix for a RL condition that millions deal with everyday IRL for whom there is no such thing as a “cure.”